Stop Trying To Be Happy (How To Use Unhappiness For Growth)
A simple guide on using negativity and ultimately overcoming it.
You’ve been lied to.
You think you always need to be happy to be on the right path? That’s bullshit.
Growth hurts. And if you’re always comfortable, you’re not growing. The truth is that sometimes it sucks, even when we’re doing the right things.
Social media has brainwashed us into thinking that “successful people” don’t have these problems.
That they never wake up feeling like shit, doubting themselves, and not feeling like doing the work they’re supposed to.
It’s far from the truth.
We all wake up feeling like shit sometimes.
People quit because they think it means they’re failing.
In today’s post I’ll show you why these ‘negative’ emotions are necessary and how we can use them to our benefit.
I’ll break down:
- Why pain is necessary for progress
- How you can use it to your advantage
- How to tell if your feelings signal the wrong path or just fleeting emotions
- Why ‘trying to be happy’ is not a great strategy and what to focus on instead
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I don’t feel great. I feel like a shell of myself, like there’s a cloud of darkness looming over me.
I used to think that something was wrong.
That the work I chose wasn’t truly my life’s mission and that I was going in the wrong direction.
I remember one morning when I woke, feeling horrible.
I wanted to stay in bed. Bury myself under my blanket and hide.
I knew I wouldn’t. I’ve been there before.
Instead, I got up, went through my morning routine and got to work. Just like any other day. I didn’t let my negative mood control my actions.
And you know what? About an hour later I felt amazing. I had a productive morning and felt incredible for the rest of the day.
I pushed through the discomfort and shrugged it off by taking action on my goals.
The lie we’ve been told is that we always have to feel good in order to create the reality we want to live in.
It’s impossible.
We can take control over our thoughts and emotions, no question. But to always feel good 100% of the time?
Not happening.
We can’t always control our emotions. And we shouldn’t. The truth is that discomfort and pain play a vital role in your life.
Here’s how:
THE ROLE OF PAIN IN GROWTH
Paradoxically, the road to hell sometimes feels like heaven.
If you’re always comfortable and you never feel uncertain or fearful – you’re probably living in complacency.
You’re not challenging yourself. You’re not growing.
And when you’re not growing, you’re shrinking – because stagnation doesn’t exist. There is only progress and decline.
Life is like a travelator – you’re either moving forwards or backwards. There is no standing still.
Just like your living space gets chaotic on its own. You don’t have to make an effort to create a mess – simply living there generates entropy.
We must make a conscious effort to improve and develop ourselves, which inevitably involves discomfort.
However, discomfort and suffering aren’t the same. If you’re suffering, it’s not because of your circumstances.
It’s because of your perception.
When you’re uncomfortable, you can either tell yourself that this shouldn’t be, or you can view the situation as a blessing and an opportunity to grow.
You can choose to accept or reject it.
The reason why most people suffer and fail to live the life they want to live is that they choose to reject what’s present instead of using it.
They only want what feels good. But life inevitably contains a certain degree of pain.
I’m not saying to always be in pain and to never enjoy yourself. There’s a balance to be found. I’m saying you need a certain degree of pain to live a meaningful life.
It’s what forces us to grow and shapes us into the person we want to become.
People ask God, the universe, etc for things but they aren’t ready to do what it takes to get it. Things won’t be handed to you – you must earn them.
Manifestation gurus have lied to you. Action is what matters.
USING PAIN AS FUEL
Resistance creates suffering. It’s not the thing you’re resisting that’s causing it.
Acknowledge the emotion – recognize and fully feel it. Stop fearing chemical reactions in your body.
Ask yourself,
What exactly is it that I’m feeling?
Label it. Find what it is that you’re experiencing and the root of the emotions.
Then ask yourself these questions:
- What can I learn from this?
- What does this reveal about myself?
- Is there a deeper pattern or belief that is being triggered by this emotion?
- How can I use this for growth or change?
Then act based on what you find.
This is how you use discomfort as a tool for deeper understanding of yourself and your problems. You NEED this data to grow.
Embrace and use it.
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DISCERNING BETWEEN NECESSARY PAIN AND YOUR SOUL SAYING ‘NO’
We don’t have to feel great and joyful every second of every day.
This realization has brought more peace into my life than always trying to control my mood. It’s okay to not feel great.
Yes, we want to feel good most of the time. I get that.
But stop telling yourself that discomfort is somehow a sign that you’re on the wrong track. It’s not.
However, it does become a problem when it’s not just discomfort, but you’re actually not aligned with your true desires.
Here’s how you discern between momentary, uncomfortable emotions and your soul hinting that you’re on the wrong path.
Ask yourself:
- Can I see myself doing this for the next 5-10 years?
- Is this my goal, based on a deep desire, or is it someone else’s idea of success?
- How do I feel after a day of work - fulfilled/accomplished? Or drained/misaligned?
- Does the long-term vision energize or drain me?
Feeling bad or uncertain is not an indicator of being on the wrong path in life just as feeling good doesn’t mean you’re on the right one.
Rather than trying to be happy, ask yourself what truly brings you fulfillment and purpose, and focus on cultivating that.
This is not about disregarding your feelings altogether and
pushing through when you feel like shit every day.
If that’s the case, then you’re clearly on the wrong path and you should consider changing lanes. Read this post to find what to do instead.
Imagine your future self was watching you.
What would they want you to do?
Would they care that much about your emotions, or would they want you to focus on making a meaningful impact and creating something of value?
Think about that.
What I want you to do is to focus on the bigger picture and the lasting difference you can make.
Feelings come and go but meaning stays.
Tomorrow, when you wake up, don’t focus on trying to be happy - focus on your mission.
Take action.
If you make a habit of focusing on the impact you want to make, happiness comes as a by-product of that effort.
When you feel shit, use that energy as fuel to move closer to your vision.
Next time you feel like quitting - don’t. Get up. Do the work. Your future self is watching.